As the big race day nears, (now 2 weeks away) the anxiety (even denial) starts to build and often I find myself asking, “Why am I going to do this?”  If you think about it,  underneath that question is (1) the assumption (even certitude) that there will be some pain and difficulty; and (2) the anxious doubt if I’ve got enough to bear it.

If you’ve ever signed up for a triathlon (no matter what the distance)  you know how this feels like. You get butterflies in your stomach, or the thought of the day approaching leaves you uneasy. The night before you can’t seem to eat & you can’t seem to sleep.  And honestly (at least for me) I really entertain thoughts of not starting at all.

In order for the nervous energy to die down, I often need to find an answer to that question of why.  And they just can’t be answers that I’ve discovered & said before — repeating them feels empty and doesn’t settle the anxiety.  They have to be answers I discover in the moment — they can be the same answers as before; but I have to get to them again and feel that they are authentic and real.

Sometimes I find my answers and sometimes I just jump in the water and have reality deal with my anxiety.  But those times I find the answers are liberating and give me a grounded sense of who I am and what I”m about to do — and obviously why I”m going to do it.

And that is why I do it — or at least one reason for doing this crazy sport.

It’s good to get scared now and then. It’s good to get the kind of scared that goes down to your bones — you’re alone, and no amount of friendship, personal achievement or money can buy you out of this kind of fear. I think this kind of scared, keeps us grounded and a little bit more humble in life.

And it’s good to find answers to the questions that go past the fear and anxiety.  It teaches us about pain and purpose — that there is a place passed the pain and a purpose larger than it.  And that is true in triathlon as much as it is in life.