I write a column for Good Housekeeping entitled “On His Mind.” Here’s something written for them for the November 2010 issue.

Kris and I never talked about parenting roles. We read books but there were no prescriptions about the roles fathers should play. I assumed I’d be involved in everything because I wanted to become a hands-on dad. So when Mika was a baby, I’d take her out to get some sun, sometimes put her to sleep, feed her, burp her, make her milk, and change her diapers. I’m not saying I was good at those jobs. In fact, I had a meltdown when I couldn’t put her to sleep one afternoon. Of all the jobs, I think I was best at burping. Kris however seemed to be good at everything. After three years, I seem to have fallen into roles given my time, my personality, and of course, the big roles Kris plays in Mika’s life. So as a father, this is how I see myself:

1. Friend & Playmate.  

When she was small I crawled with her on the floor or put her on my legs as I lay down and rocked her back and forth. As she got older I’d walk her to the park or put her on my lap and ride the big slide. Nowadays we play puzzles together, make Lego, parade around the couch, color some Disney Princesses, or make the Barbies talk to my uber-macho-work-of-art Star Wars Sand Trooper. At a certain point, I can’t wait for her to get old enough to play video games so “we” can buy a Playstation.

2. Teacher & Explainer .

As Mika learned to talk and get more curious, I found that I’d play this role automatically. She would say things like, “I want to go to there.” So I’d correct her and say, “Mika, it’s ‘I want to go there’.” And then she’d repeat it, and I’d say, “Very good.” Sometimes, she’ll say something like, “I want to watch Toy Story. I want to watch Toy Story first!” That means “I want to watch it now! So what are you doing, typing on your computer? Move!” So I’d say in a calm and gentle voice, “Mika can you say please?” And she’d go, “Can I watch Toy Story please Dada.” Then I’d say, “Sure Mika. Saying ‘please’ is good manners. Good job.”

Teaching and explaining happen during playtime, too. We’ll go through her books, and I’ll ask her to count stuff. Or I’ll point to words and teach her to read them. One day, she will ask where babies come from or what the letters “S-E-X” spell. That day, I will retire from my teaching role.

3. Hugger Kisser & Adorer.

What more can I say? I love kissing her and hugging her and sometimes just looking at her and laughing at the silly-adorable things she does. Sometimes I think she finds it irritating or that I’m being “makulit.” When she gives me that “you’re makulit” reaction, I can imagine her as a moody teenager, hating that I’m driving her to her mall gimmick, because she knows I’ll ask for our signature nose-to-nose kiss just before she leaves the car. I also imagine that deep down inside she secretly enjoys it.

4. Supporter & Protector.

I’m the car-driving-stroller-packing-diaper-bag-carrying male member of the Mika Team. And if you go to the mall on Sundays, you’ll see fathers play this role. I suspect most guys fit this role well. We are the muscle. We carry the things or build playpens or disassemble the mobiles. And when the occasional dog comes barking, we are the fortress you can climb on to and find protection.

In all these roles the most important lesson I’ve learned is to waste time. There was an email going around a few years ago about a father and son relating a day of fishing together. The father complained that they came in late, didn’t catch enough fish and eventually said “it was a waste of time.” The 7 year old son said, “I spent the whole day with dad. It was the best day ever.” So maybe it isn’t about what role I play but eventually who I am to this little girl who calls me “Dada.”