I always get “race nerves” before a triathlon.  The nerves start slowly a week before the race and get worse leading up to the night before. The air smells different, breathing is shallower, and every small ache or twitch becomes a cause for great concern.  Sometimes, I find myself wishing for injuries, bad weather, an unforeseen event… anything that will excuse me from getting into my tri-suit and facing the open water swim.

I tried to silence the anxiety by asking why I do this – hoping that the profound insights would over power the fears.  It didn’t work. The insights didn’t come and the old ones I tried to rehash and relive didn’t have the “oomph” they used to have.

The more I thought, the more I got anxious.  I kept thinking that I wasn’t ready.  I realized that there was a lot of noise in my head.  And I recognized that I’ve had that noise in my head all throughout training.  This just made the thought of not being ready worse.

But as I listened to the noise I realized that I felt bad not because I don’t think I’m ready but because I’m afraid to disappoint myself.

And then I felt ok and found more than I was looking for.  I found a source inner peace that put the anxieties at bay:  I’m not ready and that’s ok.  Whatever happens will happen and everything’s going to be alright.

Triathlete, Mark Allen said, “You have to find a quiet place inside.”  The running-writer, John Bingham said, “What distinguishes those of us at the starting line from those of  us on the couch is that we learn through running to take what the day gives us, what our body will allow us, and what our will can tolerate.”

The anxieties are still there but they’ve lost some of their power.  For me, the race has begun and I’ll get through half of it once I get to the starting line.